Kona or Bust Week 3: The Inner Circle

As I mentioned last week the countdown has turned from months to weeks to days and as the days get closer to the big day I find I’m drawing the “inner circle” tighter and tighter. I’ve willingly shared a lot of who I am and how I’ve trained in my blog entries. I’ve had a lot of incredibly conversations with people interested in how I’m doing. I’ve also had a lot of people ask very specific questions about my training. Throughout it all I’ve built an aurora of confidence but there are times that I can’t help playing the What If? game. What if I’d trained differently? What if I’d just stayed on the bike and gone longer? What if I hadn’t of taken that workout off? What if I hadn’t of had a few adult beverages last weekend?

I wouldn’t be human, or at the very least an endurance athlete, if I didn’t have these worries. The chatter. The questions. Even the “You’re going to Kill it!” Facebook posts written with the best intentions really do have the ability to make me more anxious than they should.

In response to the nerves, anxiety, and self imposed “pressure” I draw my inner circle tighter and lean on them knowing that have gotten me this far and that they will get me to the finish line. Family and friends lie inside my inner circle but done are more important the 3 people I have yet to write about, my mother, Diane and my brothers, Kieran and Brendan. You’ve read about my father and what he means to my athletic career, and me but what I haven’t told you about is how important my mother is to me.

I first picked up a field hockey stick because my mom played when she was younger. I did Brownies and Girls Scouts because she did too and I wanted nothing more than to be like her. I developed a sense of craftiness as I watched (and sometimes helped) her cross-stitch and quilt. I learned to bake and cook because of my Mom. As an OB nurse who worked nights for most of my childhood she would sleep during the day while my brother, Kieran, and I would play WWF with couch cushions as our ring. She would wake to shake off the sleep and fatigue to go to one of our games and then back to work.

Waiting in the rain for Brendan to graduate.

Along with my father, my mother has worked countless hours to put my brothers and I through college. They’ve sent us on European vacations, and provided us (me) with countless opportunities to explore the world and figure out who we are. I’ve watched my mother endure lose and handle it with grace and dignity. I’ve watched her work for her self ragged for her family and her job because that’s just who she is. I’ve watched her give and give of her self for little to nothing in return from ungrateful children (I am ashamed to admit my brothers and I are quiet guilty of this) and adults who don’t deserve her time.  

Through my 36 years of existence (yeah…36) I haven’t needed her more than this past year. Personal highs and professional lows she has been a sounding board and a source of encouragement. Undoubtedly there have been days when I’ve been short with her because I’m sure she can’t possibly understanding what I’m going through but she remains a rock that cannot be moved.

My mother has taught me to be stubborn and persistent. She has taught me that pain is just a thing you fight through. She has taught me that once you start something you finish, and if you’re going to quit you better do it for the right reasons. Hence the reason why I’ve only quit 2 things in my life…the flute in the 4^th grade (what was I thinking?) and the swim team because my heart was bouncing around on the basketball court. All of this and more is what will keep me moving toward the finish line on October 11^th.

Then there are my brothers, Kieran and Brendan. I like to joke that they got the best Irish names and then there’s me, but that’s not fair because as the first born my parents put a lot of thought into naming me. And as FIRST born that by default makes me the BEST and everyone’s FAVORITE! Anyone with siblings younger or older can appreciate the rivalry and perceived favoritism that comes along with brothers and sisters. Of course though, as the ONLY girl I trump all. I WIN!

Kieran completed his first GORUCK Challenge!

All kidding aside my brothers are a pair of great guys that inspire me every day. I’m sure it can be difficult to grow up with an older sister who did well in school, did well on the athletic fields, went on to college and did well there too. Kieran who is 3 years younger than me got the brunt of this and was reminded on a daily basis when he entered high school. To make matters worse I was still taller him at that point. Despite the shadow that seemed to hover just taller than his he out grew it literally and figuratively. We have each gone in our own directions professionally. He has taken some huge risks one of which to move across the country to work as a law enforcement ranger at Rocky Mountain National Park for 3 seasons in Estes, Colorado. 

Kieran is home now and making a life for himself. I know there are days that he still thinks of me as the big sister that steals the thunder and has the most amazing thing happen to her but what he doesn’t know (probably because I haven’t really told him) is that without him I wouldn’t be the competitor I am. All of the taunting, ball throwing, racing, gum stealing paid off. I couldn’t be more proud of all that HE has accomplished and have enjoyed the time we have spent riding together in preparation for Kona.

Doing what he does best!

And then there is Brendan. Our relationship is far different than the one I have with Kieran. Brendan is 13 years younger than me. When I was graduating high school he had barely turned 5. Much of his young life I was away so when I was home we were buddies. He and I would play together and hangout. He’d make the trip down 91 South to see me play every weekend when I was in college and provide entertainment to the fans in the crowd. As much as I was his big sister I was more of a grown up figure in his life. I’ve been able to provide him more guidance and advice growing up than I’m sure he ever wanted but was going to get regardless. After taking after Kieran and I for much of his young life he began to figure out his own way of doing things. Playing sports was fun but not a priority for him. He was…and still is, more of a social butterfly than Kieran and I will ever be. He has formed his own opinions and will speak them whenever he sees fit. Our small town of Enfield, NH was too small for him after graduating college and decided he’d move to Colorado to work the lifts at a ski resort. I thought he was kidding the day he told me he got a job at Snowmass in Aspen. He wasn’t and I haven’t seen or heard a happier more grown up Brendan. Every time I hear from him I am so proud and happy that he has finally found something that he enjoys. It doesn’t hurt that CO happens to have some of the best microbreweries in the US. Brendan has a love for life all his own and that is what I look forward to sharing with him in KONA and for many years to come.

I couldn’t be happier that my family, my inner circle, is making the trip to Kona with me. They are my shoulders to lean on. They are my cheering section. I can’t wait to cross the finish line and give them each the biggest sweatiest hug ever!

SK

Family vacation in Colorado. We survived.